Parenting Help
It is 11:30 at night and everyone is asleep as they usually are at this time of night. However I am still awake and not feeling tired at all at this point because it's not that late for me. So I figured what the heck I might as well write something on my blog for awhile. The question is what will I write about?
Since I am trying to open up and express myself here in this space I guess I could talk about some of the problems that I have with myself. I have a lot of them. One of the problems that I have already mentioned is my smoking, I would like to quit. Another problem that I have is my weight, I am not happy with the weight that I have gained since having a baby and being on meds. The biggest problem I have with myself is I don't think I am a very good parent.
I am really not very good with children and I don't know how to play with them the way that my husband does. I am mostly good at buying gifts, decorating and giving them special treats. I really want to be better at doing things like baking cakes with my daughter or playing with make-up with her, I just don't have the patience for that kind of stuff.
Now, I could blame all of this on my mother who really sucked at doing this stuff with me too but it's still no excuse.
I feel a lot of pressure from TV moms and commercial moms to be "PERFECT", cook every meal from scratch, enroll the kids in karate and ballet, know exactly where everything is in the house, plan and keep a budget, wash, fold and iron the laundry daily, clean up after the kids and never forget an appointment. On top of all that I am suppose to make Jello with the kids, play Barbie's, Legos, and sit through watching the Power Puff Girls.
It is just so overwhelming. I can't believe that there are women out there that can do it. I had even thought about going to work a few months ago but I have realized that nothing would get done if I went out into the world to pursue a career. I not feeling bad about it, it is just the truth of life for us.
So, I am looking into sites for parenting advice, it may sound ridiculous but it's the only hope that I have right now. I am looking for small, quick, clean activities that I can do with my kids over the course of the day that won't stress me out but will let them know that I do care about them.
One big hurdle is that my son has autism and there are very few things that I can do that will keep his attention. I will really have to try hard to find something to do with him.
I guess the whole point of this post is to ask for some advice and to hear that I'm not alone. I really don't want to hear from any super moms about how great they are and how easy it is for them. So, if you have any ideas or stories you would like to share, please do.
Comments
Alright, I'm not a super mom, and I'm not going to tell you how ideal my life and children are :)
What I will say is that you need to find something that is as enjoyable for you as it is for your kids. That way, you won't lose patience or interest in whatever activity it is.
It's one thing to sit down and play "Quick Picks" - the animal version of "Guess Who" - which is very easy for any adult to do, and each game only takes about 5 minutes, but it's another ballgame altogether to get out the 1,000 piece puzzle and sit through 5 hours of agonizing questions, searching, and frustration.
Personally, I used to do a lot more with my children than I do today. I think this is due to a certain BAD INFLUENCE, but I can't really pin it all on someone else. ;-) I've realized my problem, though - and like you, I'm setting out to fix it.
It takes a lot of energy to involve yourself in a child's life, but it doesn't have to be gruelling, or unenjoyable.
Find something YOU like to do!!
I like to teach children, so I am always printing out math/science/fun-learning worksheets, and pretending to be a teacher if the children have any questions about that particular topic.
A fun game I prepare while the kids are asleep is this:
You need a big map of North America. Ask about 20 questions, give or take, on where a state or province is. For instance "This province is west of Saskatchewan, but East of Ontario. It has the letter "G" in its name." or such things... it's not a difficult thing to set up, but you leave it by their bedside so that it's like a treasure hunt of some sort when they wake up.
If they figure out all the states/provinces, they get a treat or something, or just a big "Congratulations, want to play again?"
Sometimes, if I don't feel like baking things from scratch, I get out the Pilsbury prepared stuff and allow the kids to set them on the cookie sheet and put them in the oven (with supervision). Easy, and they love it. They can also use little icing thingies to decorate the plain cookies, which really requires little supervision & hardly any clean-up.
When I'm really lacking energy, I do something that we all enjoy: watch a movie together.
I usually can't stomach things like "Cinderella 2", but some kids' movies are very appealing, like Emperor's New Groove, and Finding Nemo (ROCKS!!) - just cuddle up on the couch with some snacks and chill out. Don't rush, don't feel pressured, or like you have to do anything.
For children with short attention span, spending 15 minutes with them singing or dancing is a great way to bond with a kid and give them a great memory of you.
I often feel guilty if I go to the gym, sit my butt on the computer, and hardly find the energy to cook dinner for the family. It's because I haven't done anything productive or constructive for my children.
But they'll be ok - they don't need 100% of your attention 100% of the time (although they act like it).
You could read a book together, or each read a book in the same room together, you can draw/colour together, you can talk together, enjoy a meal together, paint together, go for a walk together, anything together.
I like having a quiet, brief chat at bedtime, too. Putting a smile on my childrens' faces before they go into dreamland makes me feel good.
And I forgive myself if I'm not a perfect parent all of the time, so you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.
Love is most important, and since you're looking to improve the attention aspect, you're already proving that you're a number one mom :))
Posted by: Eclipse | July 26, 2004 11:15 AM
The last part of your comment almost made me cry. I could never think of myself as a "number one mom". I have a lot of trouble because I don't feel like I know what my kids want.
My 9 year old is going on 19 and whenever I try to do something to spend time with her she says she would rather do something else, and then when she wants to do something with me I am usually in the middle of something. So I feel guilty that I am letting her down.
With my son it's kind of easy, he's happy when I give him a cookie or pick him up for a few minutes, he really likes to be independent and play by himself mostly. There are ways that I know how to make him smile.
That's what really matters, making them smile, that makes my day. When I feel like I have done something that makes either of them happy.
Posted by: Caffeine | July 26, 2004 12:30 PM