Day Five & Six
Yesterday...
The day began with me thinking that I could tackle rearranging the living room. It's a job that I have been putting off for awhile now and I thought it was about time I did something about it. The job seemed simple enough, move a couple of couches and an entertainment center, not a big deal (even with a bad shoulder).
I used to do this stuff all of the time, it drove my husband nuts I think, so I stopped, or was it that I ran out of ways to arrange the furniture, either way I haven't done it in a long while. This time I thought the new arrangement would be better for watching TV and give Jared more room to play. Plus, it would look new to me and I like that feeling. Personally I would love to move from house to house for the rest of my life but I don't think Jemal would like that very much.
Anyway, after moving, lifting and vacuuming I go to put everything back together on the entertainment center (any geek can imagine the number of wires, cords and surge protectors involved in a project that contains a TV, VCR, TiVo, Cable box, switch box, DVD player.). After lifting the TV that my son loves so dearly back on to the shelf I go to turn it on and sparks start to shoot out of the cord. Needless to say Jared was very sad, he even said so.
I had to take the TV to a repair place (my first thought was buy a new TV, but Jemal told me it would be cheaper to get it repaired, he was right). I won't even go into how evil scientist creepy this repair guy was, I just dropped the thing off as fast as I could and got out of there. All in all the thing cost me $30 to fix. Lugging the 60 lb. TV back and forth to the shop was the biggest problem I had.
Where is Daddy?...
Tonight I got really nervous, I had a really bad feeling about something and I am usually not very wrong about these things. I just keep thinking there was something wrong with my dad.
I have called the jail, the hospitals, the shelters and the police in Brevard County, FL. Nothing. Not a thing from anyone. I guess that could be good news except the last officer I spoke with told me to try the county morgue. I don't even want to think about that.
Jemal gave me one hope, maybe he lost my number, he is always losing his wallets everywhere he goes. My phone doesn't except collect calls. Vonage is great but there are some flaws they don't tell you about on the website. If he lost the 800# maybe he can't get through with collect calls. Maybe that is why I haven't heard from him.
I just have to say that as soon as I do hear from him I am going to chew him out so bad for making me this upset. While I am here alone too. He knows that and that is why he promised me that he would call me everyday so I didn't have to worry about him too while Jemal was away.
Maybe if I hope for the best. Does that really work? I hate being so worried all of the time.
Thought...
I just realized that I am still doing what I didn't want to be doing. It is one thing to be worried about my dad and hope that he does okay with his life. It's a completely different thing to call all over town to make sure he is alive or not in jail just because I haven't heard from him in a couple of days. He's a grown up now, and so am I. I have my own family. I can't make sure that he has a place to live and food to eat if it means that my family doesn't get what they need.
I love my dad, I am very glad that I got to know him so well over the last few months of writing letters to each other. I realize I can't expect him to change and be the dad that I want him to be just because of that though. He could very well be fine and dandy sitting with some friends he met drinking a beer and having a good time. He might just be happy, and I guess all in all that's what I want for him. Kind of like a good break up should be. Whether he talks to me as often as I would like or not, I just want him to be happy before he dies. If I could make just one wish it would be for that.
Tomorrow...
All of my Pajama days are over! Jemal and Sierra will be back from their trip sometime in the evening. I thought about waiting for dinner and going somewhere nice or planning a party for their arrival. However, with Jemal's birthday party the following day I think it would really confuse Jared and make things harder on me.
I am looking forward to seeing Jemal again. Although I am sure that I will have to share him with Jared for awhile.
The last week has been kind of nice, I have had some peace and quiet even with Jared here. I have taken over the entire bed (for which jemal will have to fight me to get back his side) and laid around in my pajamas most of the time just watching TV and watching stupid SCI-FI movies.
With Jemal coming back I will finally get to watch the poker championships that I have missed all week and a few other things. Mostly I want o just lay in bed with him and cuddle. :)
Changes...
I wonder if after this trip Jemal and I will start spending more time apart though. I realized over this week that I am okay on my own. Had it been a little longer I probably would have gotten out more. I am glad that he went away for that reason. I used to think I couldn't do anything without him or without calling him first (not because he made me). Now I feel like I can leave the house and do things that I normally wouldn't do. Now all I have to do is make some friends to do them with.
I kind of lost all of my friends years ago when I decided that a sober life was a better one. It seems that the rest of my friends didn't agree and so we drifted apart. I have had trouble making friends since then.
Maybe I will join the PTA and actually go to the meetings this time.
Good Night....