PsyCo-Tic (To Help or Not?)
I had decided on Saturday that I wasn't going to deal with my father anymore, he was just getting too crazy for me to deal with. Today though I got a phone call from him and he is in a mental hospital. A place called Circle of Care. I don't exactly know how he got put in there but he read to me his diagnosis and it includes bi-polar disorder and anxiety attacks.
The problem I am facing is that he is going to be released on Friday, unless I do something about it. If there is anything I can do about it or should do. That is the dilemma that is keeping me awake tonight.
As I have said many times before my father belongs in jail, just for the safety and shelter aspects. He is a much better person when other people are telling him what to do and he is kept away from alcohol. The situation in front of me now is that he would do much better in a place that could medicate him with the right drugs and maybe even get him to talk about what is wrong with him so that he doesn't have to take it out on the rest of us.
My plan now before I lay my head to the pillow and think for who knows how many more hours is to call the hospital that he is in tomorrow and try to speak with his doctor. The stuff I have trouble with is will he be mad at me if he finds out that I called, if they keep him, if they find out stuff he didn't want them to know.
He is hearing voices now and making threats about people, even to me (although he seems to have forgotten since he sobered up). He thinks he is the son of God and in nearly invincible. This could be a form of hyper mania (manic-depression) or paranoid schizophrenia. That's for the doctors to figure out. They just need more time with him.
They have him on Lithium right now, which is just the right thing but it takes time to really start working, 4 days isn't enough. I feel like I have to try to get them to keep him in there longer, it's his best hope of keeping our relationship together. If he can't get help now I don't think I can deal with him at all anymore.
There is one flaw in my plan that I have been trying to figure out. Say they keep him for 60-90 days to let the medicine really start working and then let him go? It would be great if he had a job that had medical coverage or an address where he could get medical assistance from the state. Without that the whole thing is just another way to make my dad mad at me for having him locked up for 3 months. Because as soon as the medication wore off he would go right back to drinking and drugging again and be the same crazy person h has been for years now.
So is there a point? Should I even try? Should I risk it? Should I be so worried about something that is just going to end us up back in the same place we are today? Is is possible for him to really change? Is there any hope? Why do I do this to myself? Why do I keep trying to look for ways for him to disappoint me again?
You can probably see by now why it is so hard for me to sleep. I have been like this for weeks now and this is just one of the many problems that I have been having with my dad. I was ready to just wash my hands of him days ago, why did that change?
I really want to enjoy Christmas. I was actually writing a post just before I got the phone call from my dad about how excited I was about Christmas this year. I don't want him to ruin this Christmas, this is really (other then my dad) the best Christmas seasons that we have had yet (so far, knock on wood and all that good stuff).
How much should I do to keep my father from ending up dead, back in jail or on some kind of murder quest (yeah, he says he wants to "terminate" a bunch of people) he says that a lot when he gets like this. As Jemal says though " He hasn't done it yet and he is just getting older and weaker."
It's a good thing that he is in Florida at least so that I don't have to worry about him knocking on my door anytime soon. I am currently the only person in the family that still answers the phone for him too. None of his brothers or sister will talk to him, I don't think that my brother wants to talk to him either. (I don't really want to let him talk to my brother because my brother has a good job now, finally and he's doing good and all my dad will do is try to convince him to take off for Florida and live on the streets like him.)
I guess that I have written enough for tonight and I should try to lay down for awhile or at least play some Solitaire until I get to tired to keep my eyes open. The doc upped my pills to try to help me sleep, she says within a week I should be back to normal...we will see.