The Stress of Driving
I am having a harder and harder time dealing with everyday stress. My main problems include the fact that I can’t handle driving far away from home, about 15-20 miles, by myself. I used to be able to drive anywhere at anytime and I enjoyed it. Now, I can’t stand to drive in the rain or when it gets dark outside. I have this other driving fear that is kind of crazy, I don’t like exits or sharp turns in the road. I have actually taken the long way many times just to avoid those spots in the road. If I do take the curves, I can’t seem to do it at a normal rate of speed. I sometimes try to go to doctor’s appointment and I either cancel them or I turn around halfway there because I am just too nervous to make the drive.
Along with that are my fears of being around a lot of people, or people I don’t know, and daily worries about my health, relationships and things that I have to do each day.
These are all supposed to be a simple thing for other people to do, or at least that is what my doctor and husband say. But for me it can be crippling. My hands start to sweat and my arms lock up sometimes when I am driving, I can’t stand to be in a crowded place or I feel like the whole place is spinning. I worry about what I will be like in a another year if these fears continue to get worse as they have been for the last few years.
My doctor has me on Zyprexa and Clonazepam; she says that the Zyprexa is the strongest stress medication on the market, so why do I still feel this way? Is there something really wrong with me? Something medication can’t fix? Will I ever be able to do the things that I used to do so easily?
In a phone call with my shrink last night, she said that I should be fine with just the Zyprexa and that I am taking a high dose of it too. She said that she is going to add Seraquel to my medication and see if that helps, but I have been on that before and I had some bad side effects. So, she is going to have to find something else. On of her suggestions was Ablify but I took that before too with no help and some side effects that I didn’t like.
I need a new medication because I am also having trouble sleeping again. I assume it is related to stress but I just can’t sleep. I lay down at night an a just lay there thinking about all of the things that are going on around me and in my life. It seems to take hours before my brain settles and lets me go to sleep. I have tried over-the-counter medications that are supposed to work but nothing.
I really think I should right a letter to my psychiatrist and explain to her all of the problems that I am having. In all of the time that I have been seeing her we never really talked about any of these problems in depth. She has always wanted me to talk about my family and the stress that they cause me. And there is only so much you can get out in a 15-minute appointment.
I wish nothing more then to just get in my car and drive like a friend suggested. I used to love to drive and travel, bt now I feel happier and safer staying at home., in my pajamas. I have dreams of doing things but I don’t think I can overcome this fear without changing my medication or some kind of serious therapy.
I guess I am just really screwed up, I know that I am not acting like a normal, rational person by feeling this way. And for once, I wouldn’t mind being a little bit more normal.
Right now, I don’t know what I am going to do. I am going to try to work on it and I guess that is all I can do for now.