FreshCaffeine

What really sucks is that I have to spend a lot of time in bed watching TV and to tell you the truth now that all of the shows I like have gone away until the fall I have nothing to watch and nothing to do. I have taken up crocheting again just to kill time and I am starting to do a lot of planning for things. I made a long list of goals for myself for the summer and I am excited about maybe getting better and doing some fun things next year.

I would really like to do some volunteer work after I am healed up and the kids are in school all day long. I don't know if I will be ready to have a full-time job by next year but it would be nice to get out of the house, meet new people and do something that makes me feel useful. With how often I get sick I don't know if I could hold down a job for very long because I would have to stay home a lot when I get sick or if the kids are not in school.

I am really lucky that my husband makes enough money that I don't have to work if I don't want to and that I can pretty much do what ever I want to do with my time later on. It gives me a lot of freedom to fulfill my own goals. I can do volunteer work and it will make me feel good and we don't have to worry about getting the bills paid.

I would like to start working again some time soon, but one of my biggest problems is that I have not worked in over 6 years. I will probably start taking classes again next year and that should help me to get a job in another few years. I don't know who would hire me right now with no real experience.

I think tomorrow I will post all of my goals for the sumer and the following year. It's a pretty long list but it is all attainable if I try hard enough. There are a lot of things that I want to do with my life, kids and for our future. It will all start as soon as I can finish my surgeries and get my body sorted out.

I recently stopped taking my trileptal and several other medications. I have been doing very well I think. I am not sure that I needed them at all. I haven't felt depressed only stressed out because of some of the things that are going on in my life but I have been getting better at dealing with my stress. I learned to not talk to people if I am already having a bad day (just my family). And I make to do lists each day so that I know what I have to do. Once I do those things I can relax and just enjoy the rest of the day. My husband is a big help for me too, especially now with the problems I have. He does most everything that I can't do myself. And he never complains about it either.

I just need to find some things to kill time until I can start doing for myself again. I don't like feeling lazy and that is what I feel I am right now that I am not doing much around the house. I do get to plan a lot of stuff for the summer even though I will probably be home for most of it but I like planning stuff. I am already planning this Christmas and I have months before I can do any of it.

For this Christmas I want two trees. I want to plan a nice dinner and maybe invite some family and friends for a party. I am just really excited that I will probably be better by then and I will be able to do so much. I want this year to be the best Christmas we ever had. And all of the following years will just get better after that. That is my hope anyway.

There is so much that I can't wait to do with a healed body and creative mind again. It's the waiting that I don't like. However, it will give me time to plan and think about all of the things that I want to do.

This has been a long post, I didn't mean for that to happen I just wrote out all of the things that I am feeling right now and I guess the point of it all is that I am hopeful now. I* am not depressed about all of the things that are wrong with me anymore. I am just thinking about all of the things that I will be able to do soon. I am happy and I can't wait for it to all be finished. Thank you for listening.