What to do?
This morning I was awoken by the sound of the phone ringing. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was a Florida number and I was preparing myself to yell at my father because he said he would only call once a week. However, it was a charity group that buys bus tickets for people who want to get off the streets and go home. My father had told them that he was going to come back to Maryland and live with my family and me.
Let me just tell you that even if I wanted to he couldn’t stay here. We have 3 bedrooms and 5 people her already. My husband and I made a Master bedroom out of the basement so that we could keep my grandmother here with us. I am not about to let him stay here any way because I don’t want him having any kind of influence on my kids.
I am already dealing with my surgery and I was feeling pretty good since he went to jail. I haven’t really been sick since then. Now that he is out of jail and he is coming back here I worry about getting sick again from the stress. I am going to have to come up with some rules for myself to keep him from making me feel awful again.
Rule number 1 would have to be that I will not give him any money no matter what the reason is. I don’t trust him not to use the money to buy alcohol and therefore it would just upset me to give him money for anything. I know there will be times when he is going to tell me that it is for important things but unless I am paying for it directly or something I am not going to hand him cash for anything. I would certainly help him if it was for medication or to see a doctor or something like that.
Rule number 2 would be that I can’t talk to him everyday. A phone call once a week is just fine and if he starts treating me badly again like he did just a few months ago I will just stop taking his calls altogether and turn off the toll free number.
Rule 3 would be that he cannot just come by anytime he wants to. He will have to call me first and then I will let him know if it is okay that he comes by for a couple of hours of hours or something. I may even make it so that he can’t come over unless Jemal and the kids are home. I will not give in and let him stay the night not even one time. We don’t have the room and it’s not good for Jemal for him to be here like that.
I think I need some time to talk about this with my friends and family and see what kinds of ideas they have about the situation. This is going to be very stressful for me and I could use all of the support I can get right now.
Comments
Rule # 1 - You and your family first.
:)
You can do this, and we'll be right there to help you through.
Take a deep breath, don't panic, and remember that you will make it through everything in time.
I admire your compassion and altruistic intentions towards your father despite all that he has - and continues- to put you through.
Rule #2 should be to pull the plug on that the instant it infringes on Rule #1.
Love you, girl.
xo
Posted by: Patricia | June 11, 2006 10:42 PM
I see you were up late, later then me anyway.
Thanks for the kind words. I know that I have to keep my father out of my life as much as possible. I would never be able to relax if I talked to him all of the time or saw him everyday. That is what worries me about him coming back home.
You know just thinking about him coming here is making my stomach sick. How does he do it? Why do they make me feel this way?
But like my hubby said it wasn't long before he went to jail the last time he got a bus ticket. We can hope for the same thing to happen again.
Admittedly I have a lot of worries about this but I have learned from my mistakes. I will not let him treat me like crap again. I have dealt with ending this relationship before and I am not afraid to do it again if I have to. It will just be harder with him being so close.
Posted by: Caffeine | June 12, 2006 09:38 AM