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Happy Birthday to Me

Today I got to open my gifts, because the kids will be in school on my actual birthday. My hubby and the kids picked out some great gifts for me. I am very happy. I got a nice set of clear speakers for my MAC, that are much louder then the internal speakers that come with the G5. I also got a dock for my iPod that hooks up to my TV, which has a pretty loud sound system attached to it. Jemal had my widows tinted on my Element, I got Silent HIll the movie (because i love the games) , I also got Lost season 1 to watch with Jemal. I don't know if he will watch Silent HIll or not, he hated playing the games (but he did it for me I think).

I am getting McD's for breakfast and steamed crabs for lunch. I am so excited about crabs. I haven't had them in a few years and being from Maryland that is almost a sin. I would like to see how the kids do at opening crabs. I doubt that Jared will be eating them but I will see if he will try at least one.

Today is going to be a great day but I am still upset that I am turning 30. I know that it isn't a bad thing. I will probably have a better time in my 30's then my 20's. I spent 7 years with medical problems in my 20's and hopefully I will be better in my 30's and be able to do more in my 30's. I just don't like the idea that I will be old.

I have a feeling that once I turn 30 I will be okay with it but as for right now I am a little depressed about it. I also have a feeling turning 40 will be harder for me then this. And I hope that within the next 10 years I will have done more with my life then I have in my 20's. I like being a stay-at-home mom but it doesn't make me feel fulfilled in the way that getting a job would. With both of my kids going off to school all day now I will have plenty of time to do something during the day. I am hoping to either volunteer somewhere and do clerical work until my knees heal or find an HR job somewhere and actually get paid for what I am doing. I( like working with paper and files. I also wouldn't mind doing reception work somewhere.

I worry that it is going to be hard for me to get a job because it has been so long since my last job. And my most recent employment was for my uncle who committed suicide. I can barely remember who I worked for before that.

So, I am going to try to enjoy today with Jemal and the kids. I am going to try to forget about how old I am going to be and just think about it being my 29th instead. I don't know that I will feel any different then my 29th anyway. I just have to deal with it. And I have to start looking for work soon. I think that will make me feel better. I need to work on a resume. I don't know what I will put on it but I will make it look good. I have done a lot of different things in my work history and I never got fired from any job.

Posted by Caffeine on August 27, 2006 10:03 AM |

Comments

"I just don't like the idea that I will be old."

Wherever did you get the idea that 30 is old? That was hippie claptrap from the summer of love in 1960s California.

At 30 you are still young.
And 40 and 50 aren't old either. At 45 you hit middle age and believe it or not that's the most awesome time of life there is. Of course I know a lot of 60 somethings who would say the same thing about retirement. The only downer about being 45+ is that youprobably start to have some health issues like high blood pressure. But heck, you've already struggled with that.

30? It's time for a big celebration! Happy birthday, you kid!

Posted by: Skanking1 [TypeKey Profile Page] | August 28, 2006 08:50 AM

You really know how to make people feel better. I was trying not to think abut it today, but I guess your right (as always) about my situation. It could be worse and I only can look forward because there is no going back. So I might as well enjoy it. It is still a little scary I have to say, I never thought I would live this long, honestly. I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and and I was told I wouldn't live to be 18. So I still have some residual feelings from being scared by that idea everyday.

Posted by: Freshcaffeine [TypeKey Profile Page] | August 28, 2006 09:47 AM

Well, happy birthday and stuff! And yes, you can't go long without having some steamed crabs. I think the Maryland government keeps track and expels you from the state if you do. :)

As for turning 30, it's not bad at all. For me, the 20s were my years of training for being an adult. I learned some of the important stuff, and some of that was learned the hard way.

I had a much harder time with turning 35 than I did turning 30. And, there was no basis for it. It was all mental for me.

Now, I actually almost look forward to turning 40. But that may change as it gets closer.

And look at the plus side, Jemal will always be SO much older than you. :)

Posted by: jerry [TypeKey Profile Page] | August 28, 2006 09:56 AM

Thank you Jerry for the birthday wishes. I am sure that once I turn 30 all of this will be behind me. It is just hard to deal with at the moment. I don't feel 30. I still feel younger and I feel older because of all the problems that I have. I don't feel like I should be labeled this way. It is a hard thing to explain.

I am sure that one day I will just wake up and everything will be okay and I won't even think about how old I am. That day is not today. It might be tomorrow though. I am not sure yet. I know I will feel 30 at some point or else I will be the crazy art teacher that I want to be and not care about what I dress like. I remember going to Bound and dressing in crazy clothes, I want to still do that, but 30 seems to me to be the end of all that. I don't want to end all of that. Can I still be me at the end? Tomorrow can I wake up and put on a leather skirt and a pirate collar shirt? I don't own one right now but if I did, would I be able to wear it out in public?

And your right, Jemal will always be 2 years and 9 days older. He seems to be doing fine with getting older these days. He had a hard time with 30 too though. We had to put 29 on his cake to make him happy.

Posted by: Freshcaffeine [TypeKey Profile Page] | August 28, 2006 11:24 AM

Oh, and those speakers. I saw those when we were in the Apple store at the mall. Those are very spiffy. Color me jealous. :)

Posted by: jerry [TypeKey Profile Page] | August 31, 2006 04:06 PM

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